The Ultimate Quest: To BEE Yourself

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I did something kind of hard the other day. I emailed a friend who I haven’t seen in a while to ask for help of sorts in promoting my book. As an indie author, at times I’m compelled to make these outreach efforts. I clicked “send,” knowing she wouldn’t get back to me right away, but with the sinking feeling she may not get back to me at all. I’m always hopeful when I make these efforts, of course, but I’m accustomed to them becoming open-ended and having to be OK with that.

 

Later that afternoon as I drove along, the image of the “Bee Girl” from Blind Melon’s music video, “No Rain” popped into my head. The song wasn’t playing; it was simply an image tied to how I felt. In fact, I hadn’t thought about that Bee Girl in years. But in that moment, I imagined myself as the little girl in the black-and-yellow costume, doing my silly tap dance for anyone who might stop and watch, and if I’m lucky, applaud.

 

As the story goes, the little Bee Girl buzzes her way through the streets hoping to find her audience. Some laugh at her, some give her odd looks, but she carries on. In the end (spoiler alert), she’s welcomed into a swarm of Bee People, all doing their crazy waggle dances, to suggest that she has found not only her audience, but also her hive—a place where she can fully be herself, oddities welcomed.

 

All this got me thinking about authenticity, the quest to discover it and live fully in it, and how it relates to finding others who’ll appreciate you and celebrate your creative endeavors.

 

The story, as told in the music video, isn’t a perfect metaphor to illustrate my point. For example, I don’t think people need to act and dress the same in order to be each other’s people. In fact, I think true belonging is finding people who are an assortment of this and that, but overall they hold space for you to be yourself.

 

Authenticity, to me, isn’t just a “buzz” word, but the true quest of my life. I grew up very much a people pleaser, and even after I recognized it, it was nearly impossible to change. There’s so much fear in letting your truest self be seen, but it turns out there are tremendous rewards.

 

Guess what the highest frequency emotion is. I bet you’re going to say it’s love, right? Actually, it’s authenticity. Isn’t that wild? When someone is fully in the zone of their authenticity, they emit oodles of positive vibes into the universe. Even more so than love. After I heard this, I searched for, but couldn't find the scientific study that supposedly quantified this. Even so, something about it rang true to me.

 

What is authenticity? What does it mean to “be yourself”? To me, it’s the same as having integrity. You show up in the world in a way that’s in accordance with your beliefs and values. You follow your heart. You let your quirks and personality shine through. You speak your mind when it’s important. You believe in yourself and your creative work, and you share it with others even if it scares the daylights out of you. You know if you keep putting yourself out there, eventually who you are and what you do will resonate with someone, so you keep going.

 

Your creative offering will remain dormant and unseen until you share it. Yes, there’s unrequited love in this business—in any business—but there are also unexpected boons, like when your sister decides to highlight your book for her book club. Thanks, Karen!

 

Speaking of boons, while writing this article, I got a call from my cousin, Peggy, and her husband, Marc (one of my horse experts). They’ll be coming to town soon and picking up 12 signed copies of Heart of Grit to give to their family members!

 

There are other fun things on the horizon, and those will keep me going. I’ll keep metaphorically tap dancing, knowing that I’ve already found so many “Bee People” and that I’ll keep buzzing around until I find more.

 

Part of believing in your work means to resist the temptation to apologize for it. Every time I’ve apologized for some imperfection in it, I’ve felt a sense of betrayal. The work is what it is. I had 15 years to get it right; it’s a little late for apologies now. People are very good at making their own appraisals. They don’t need any help from me.

 

Maybe I need to take a cue from Andy Warhol and pay no attention to the applause or whatever else may come. He says, “Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”

 

But what about that Bee Girl who’s eager for a little applause? What if she just wants to make someone smile? What if she wants someone to recognize the thing she’s been practicing? Maybe that’s OK. The applause lets her know she's found her supporters. As long as she understand that she has to keep going even when there’s no applause at all. That’s the compromise.

 

As artists we must create relentlessly, persistently, and almost stubbornly. We are our toughest critics. The setbacks will come, but so will the boons.

 

“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all and then stands back to see if we can find them.” -Elizabeth Gilbert